Your favorite celebrity from childhood climbs out of a CGI Dunkin’ Donut that doubles as cryptocurrency, climbs out of your TV and stands pixelated in your living room and tells you not to worry about going to your Email Job the next day, or at all, because now the emails send themselves. Your favorite celebrity from childhood is an old man now but he’s aging in reverse. He’s in his thirties, he’s a teenager, he’s a toddler crawling around your living room floor. Your phone chimes with an email that you've been laid off now that the emails can send themselves. You and your friends do your best to ignore your favorite celebrity from childhood, who is now a baby, even though he needs a diaper change. You turn the volume up on the game, while you dip celery in ranch and strip meat off chicken wings with your teeth. Are you sure you want to eat that? Mike Tyson’s on your TV now wagging a finger. Fudgey, he says, rolling his eyes until you set your food back down on your plate. He reaches out from the screen and places a GLP-1 in your palm. Nasty, he says. You’ve got buffalo sauce all over your fingers. Chrome robots pour vodka down their robot throats until they spark and catch fire and everyone is bored because there haven’t been any touchdowns yet. The Amazon Alexa on the TV stand clears its throat during the commercial where an AI assistant ships a bear to the Hemsworth house and now there’s a bear on your front porch, too. We hear it roaring outside. All over America, bears are arriving on front porches, breaking free from cardboard, pawing at windows. We turn the volume up. Your favorite celebrity from childhood still needs a diaper change.