Hey Dave! You’re Dave, aren’t you? You’re not my friend Dave? C’mon you’re Dave. You are so Dave. You’re telling me you’re not Dave? That’s exactly something Dave would do. Such a Dave move. I’ll prove it, watch this: DAVE! See, you looked. That proves it. You’re him. You’re Dave, Dave. Remember that chant we used to do when you’d drink a big bowl of beer? We’d say, Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave. And then you’d throw up. Remember? Dave? Are you with me? You can act like a stranger Dave but you’re still the same old Dave I remember. Besides the fact that you’re way shorter and a completely different race, something tells me you’ve changed—do you go by David now? I just felt like Dave is less formal and there’s no need to be formal since we definitely know each other and I’m not mistaking you for someone else. You know me to be me and I know you to be Dave. Or David. Or Davey boy. Whatever you prefer, “Not Dave.” How long are you gonna keep this up, Big D? You’re Dave, end of story. So shut up, Dave. Shut the fuck up. Even if you’re not technically “Dave” you’re still a Dave. You’re just not Dave Dave. So what if I mistake one Dave for another, can’t you just switch? I thought Daves were interchangeable. A Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave is a Dave. Right? Dave? Dave, why are we fighting? This isn’t you, Dave. This isn’t the Dave I remember. As a matter of fact, I’m starting to think you’re not my friend Dave.