Bing Crosby pours himself a cold Coca-Cola. David Bowie pours himself into a chair. Bing Crosby practices his golf swing, drink in hand. David Bowie practices a broad Cockney accent, kitchen sink Alice band. Bing Crosby kneels down, picks a nail up off the floor, and sticks it between his teeth. David Bowie stares down at the newspaper and frets about the Santa Ana winds. Bing Crosby spits the nail into the wastebasket and stares into the mirror, covering up one of his Irish eyes. David Bowie learns that the little iron bracelet that keeps the eraser in place on the end of a pencil is called the ferrule. Bing Crosby calls the number to his house in Toluca Lake and tells the maid to tell the gardener not to touch the weeds in the rose garden, he will handle those himself. David Bowie folds the newspaper in half and decides that the line between civilization and chaos is only as thin as a shower curtain. Bing Crosby winds unspooled tape back into a plastic cassette using his pinky. David Bowie covers his ears with heavy headphones and listens to birdsong. Bing Crosby orders red peppers and milk from craft services, just to see how it tastes. David Bowie fills up the basin of his small sink and plunges his face into it, just to see how long he can hold his breath, but he only succeeds in swallowing water. Bing Crosby fishes the nail out of the trash and uses it to carve the letters G, A, R, and Y into the drawer of his antique Queen Anne coffee table. David Bowie slides his arms into his French cuff shirt and pretends, not for the first time, that he is a child trying on a grown man’s clothes. Bing Crosby drops the nail and shivers as a chill passes through him, a creeping knife of cold that all the woolies and snuggies in the world cannot thaw. David Bowie shakes a Gitane cigarette out of its pack and pats about his person for a lighter, but all of his pockets are empty. Bing Crosby turns down the corners of his smile. David Bowie sets his lips as grim as a butler’s. Bing Crosby opens the door. David Bowie closes the door.
