FAQ: My clockwork alligator bit off my hand. (Asked 271 Times)
Answer: First of all, that is not a question, but our contact page has been inundated with this or similar statements, so we thought we would address it. This terrible incident is entirely your fault. The only way the life-sized alligator from our clockwork series could bite off your hand is if you reached into its mouth to fill its water tanks manually. As stated on page fifteen of the owner's manual that came taped to your clockwork alligator's tail, the water tanks should always be filled using the ladle provided in the shipping crate. These ladles are made from titanium alloy and virtually impossible to bite through, especially when compared to your flimsy, flesh and bone wrist. Before you write to us with further questions, yes, this does void the warranty on your clockwork alligator. The instructions clearly say to never mix blood into the tanks. The high iron present in blood erodes the clockwork mechanisms in your alligator's gut. And no, you cannot sue us. This matter has already been brought before courts of law in all fifty states and in multiple EU countries. You signed an iron-clad user agreement upon your purchase. We would, however, like to offer you an exclusive 5% discount on our line of clockwork prosthetics. Just use promo code 'CleanUpToTheElbow' at checkout. We here at McFairlane Toys thank you for your patronage. (Answered Today at 3:05 am Central)
