Mel awarded the turkey medallions
And Jon carved up the drum sticks
And Mags manned the gravy boats
And Sam busted out her smashed yams
And Al threw in some asapargus spears
And Shelly cut the volcano cake
And James snapped on the Bears and Lions
And Ed fired up his firecracker shrimp
And Tony dropped some Jäger bombs
And Van sliced her famous Punch-you-in-the-Damn-Brain pumpkin pie
And there was stuffing, twice-baked potatoes, cranberry sauce and corn bread 
There were buffalo check flannel shirts 
and the Raiders coming up next
There was red wine and 100-proof whiskey 
And there was blood everywhere
So much fucking blood

(Bonus poem)

Fantasy Football

my fantasy football
would be to have a threesome 
with two really hot footballs