in highschool we
twisted each other’s locker locks backward
when someone’s was open
just to make their life a little bit harder
whenever they came back to it
because it was funny
and we gossiped
in hushed voices about oh my god did you hear
what maddie said
yesterday
and
jesus, why are her eyelashes curled like that
and is it true that an eighth grader had sex
last week?
wait, guys, which one was it?
holy shit. send me her instagram please.
and we all
most of us
swallowed the fact that we hadn’t even
had sex yet
and we were fifteen already
and must have some catching up to do.
and pods of us in hallways
compared grades down to the hundredth
of a percentage
and we competed also for who could
care the least
and still be the smartest though
immaculate &
effortless.
we were kids and we were grownups and
there was no winning to be had
either way and
we called each other cunts for no good
reason
and at sleepovers we discussed boys
and left out the fact that we
were probably bisexuals, at least
if not total dykes
but there are some words we didn’t say.
like the way “he kissed me my first time getting
drunk” was actually
“ya lol we hooked up at the party”
and we did things like roll up our long plaid
pleated skirts so we could go from
nun to whore and so
that night was justified
and sharpie mantras and trigonometric
formulas on our wrists
and vacate old group chats
that used to be filled with invites
we were too anxious to ever take up
and stayed home throwing up
instead.