because I want to look like a sea lion. I want to look like a sea lion because everyone loves sea lions, and if I could pretend to be one I would have an excuse to balance a ball on the tip of my nose. I want to balance a ball on the tip of my nose because that is a skill very few creatures have, and skills that very few creatures have are lucrative if marketed well.

I go to a market after shaving, to learn how to market well. All I find are fish. I eat some with the bones and all. The fishmongers clap for me and are amazed I do not choke. I think that maybe all my shaving is turning me into a sea lion at last. I stay at the market all day, to practice not choking. The next day I return, and the next, and the next too. Soon I grow fat like a sea lion.

I go to the park and watch the dogs, to learn how to bark. I think that a dog’s bark and a sea lion’s bark are so similar that one must have copied the other. I practice my barking at the park, with the dogs, and they look at me funny. I shave one, to see if a sea lion is underneath. It is not.

I go to the ocean, where I submerge myself at intervals. I practice my fish swallowing. A couple appears and takes photos of me, practicing my fish swallowing on a medium fish. I practice shaving with sharp rocks and I talk to the other sea lions. None of them balance balls on their noses. They look at me funny when I say words like lucrative or marketing, so I bark at them instead. When I bark, they do not look at me funny. This makes me happy, so I decide to forget English altogether.

Bark.