- The One with the name that sounds like a song by The Cure
- The One with too much information about my mortgage
- The One with the thumb
- The One with the war metaphor that’s really about leaving a fancy hotel in Milan hungover at 7am
- The One with all the covid-19
- The One with the orgasm I compare to Unstoppable Market Forces
- The One with climate change and birds and my mother
- The One with the manager from my old job telling me off for tweeting inappropriately about work when I hadn’t done any such thing but it did mean that she was spying on my twitter
- The One from the perspective of an earthquake that is also about the earthquake having sex
- The One with all the recycled depression metaphors
- The One where I bring a knife to my workplace
- The One with the maths problem Twitter meme that gets lost in the fact that my dad wanted me to be an accountant
- The One with climate change where the human race are, over billions of years, transformed into oil beneath the earth and in which our extinction is finalised when intelligent beings burn us for fuel
- The One with the perspective of my boss who doesn’t realise how much time I spend writing Poems when I should be working
- The One with the horny Rothko painting sex montage
- The One with the giant poking device
- The One with me sitting in a bar and I offer the woman next to me a drink and instead of accepting or declining she says ░P░U░S░S░Y░ I░N░ ░B░I░0░
- The One where the universe spontaneously creates a copy of my brain in deep space that a bunch of aliens turn into entertainment
- The One with the conversation about the iceberg that hit the titanic while we danced in a club in Berlin
- The One with my sister-in-law’s parents where, just after her wedding, I tell them about the manager from my old job telling me off for tweeting inappropriately about work which isn’t a great story, at all, and I can feel the boredom crawling up our legs and biting our ankles, numbing us, becoming stuck in that moment forever like a bug in amber
- The One with all the cancer diagnoses
- The One with climate change and that somehow manages to also be about wanking
- The One with Ross’s Wedding
- The One with all of my problems tucked away in a drawer
- The One with the one line that people will remember me by, the Poem I intend to finish one day, the one that will live on after I’m dead and it’s not my favourite, but it sticks in people’s minds and it will be read at my funeral and make everyone laugh and cry and if it helps then I’m happy for that, to linger in the minds of others for weeks, months, years, perhaps more, long after I’m gone
