‘This microwaved sandwich is giving me cancer,’ I say.

‘My deodorant is giving me cancer,’ D replies.

‘At least I won’t get skin cancer,’ I say. ‘I’m pretty sure. I never go outside, and I wear sunscreen every day.’

‘You wear sunscreen even though you don’t go outside? The sunscreen will give you cancer. It’s the benzene. Or the zinc?’

‘God, fuck.’

‘My mom had cancer,’ D says, ‘but it was the best kind. Appendiceal. The appendix doesn’t matter, they can just take it right out.’

‘I didn’t even know you could get cancer there.’

‘You can get cancer anywhere,’ D says, and we laugh.