I tried to convince myself that the giant in the dried-up egg-plant patch was a hunger-induced hallucination. But it was real, and it wore a Nike Air VaporMax Plus sneaker––just like mine, except 300 times bigger. “Hey,” I hollered. “Are you finding that your shoes provide adequate arch support?” A note the size of a school bus floated to the ground. It contained a string of numbers and the words; text me, I can’t hear your tiny voice. I typed “Hi,” and sent it, but before I’d finished the rest of my message, dots bounced on my screen and these words appeared: “Greetings, small one. Can you tell me how to get to Downton Abbey?” I explained that Downton Abbey was a work of fiction, but that it made poignant statements on the human condition. “Dang,” the giant replied. “I came all this way so I could meet Lady Rosamond Painswick.” Booming sniffles filled the air. I just stood there and watched my last emaciated Guinea hen peck at the flat tire on the old Ford. I mean, What do you say to a crying giant? Luckily my phone buzzed and I saw the words, “Say, would you pretend to be Lady Rosamond Painswick while we text?” I shot back with, “Will imitate LRP for food!” I heard sobs as loud as thunder. “I have no food,” appeared on my screen. Behemoth tears splashed to the ground. My stomach gurgled and gasped, but I figured what the heck. I ignored the borborygmus and texted: “Oh dear me, but I do wish more giants in posh footwear inhabited the English countryside.” The giant replied with: “Wow! That is dead on! Now can you pretend to be Howard Stern?” So, I did. Then I was Jay-Z, Charo, Anne of Green Gables, Mitt Romney, Frida Kahlo, The Pillsbury Doughboy, and the Ugandan Women’s Netball team. But it was my imitation of you that really moved the giant. Again, I heard the roaring sobs. “That was beautiful!” it texted as its huge foot lifted, leaving a deep chasm in its place. As it walked away, enormous tears fell anew and rolled like tidal waves over the parched earth, filling the giant’s gargantuan footprint to the brim. Within a week, it was teeming with swordfish, prawns, and soft-shelled crabs.