Your eyes are two (2) brown orbs

and your breasts are two (2) brown spheres

and your butt is two (2) half (1/2) spheres;

described thus, you are essentially a lot of

spherical items balanced on a pole

like a doughnut tower. Full of love jam,

lust jelly, and adoration sponge.

 

I promise to love you conditionally

based upon certain criteria of fidelity and respect;

these terms have been agreed upon verbally

and also tested in hypothetical scenarios

to ensure that our value systems align.

However it would be helpful to put these into

writing so we may refer to them at a later date,

if they should ever come into dispute.

 

For the sake of the security of all signatories

I suggest we add in some terms regarding

financial liability. This does not indicate

any intentions on behalf of either party, which

of course I understand to be of the

purest nature, yet the seasons may change

and some action of yours may invite me

to write a scathing St Vincent Millay-lite

poem at some future date.

 

May I remind you, dearest, that

I am human mercury. Silverbeast,

with deep-rooted fangs,

slinking through mammalian dens.

I have one (1) heart which I bequeath

to you, and one (1) body

(as far as I know—this is not likely to change

unless current technology advances

very rapidly and my current salary

increases at a similar pace).

 

One last note; do remember, love,

that I moult my seasonal feathers

upon your lightest touch. Do

remember, love, that we are delicate

animals, barely more than mewling

kittenish heaps. Do remember, love,

that we can soothe all present stings

with thoughts of a future, together.