had logo

March 30, 2024

The Existential Horror of 156 T Shots

Maddox Emory Arnold

Congratulations! You’ve successfully jabbed yourself in the leg for 3 years straight consecutively. Let’s check the highlight reel:

1. Stab. Ouch.

2. Stab again. Ouch, but less.

3. Stab. You might actually know what you’re doing now.

4. Stab. Nevermind.

5. Stab. You had to call my mom for this one. Too scary.

6. Stab. That one didn’t hurt at all. So did it really happen?

7. Stab. Getting the hang of it now.

8. Stab.

9. Stab.

10. Stab.

11. Stab.

12. Stab.

13. Stab.

14. Stab.

15. Stab.

16. Stab. This one made you cry. Not sure why, though.

17. Stab.

18. Stab.

19. Stab.

20. Stab.

21–79. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab.

80. Stab. Almost missed your leg on that one. Oops.

81. Stab.          82. Stab.         

                        83. Stab.          84. Stab.

                                                85. Stab.          86. Stab.

                                                                        87. Stab.          88. Stab.         

                                                                                                89. Stab.          90. Stab.

91. You guessed it: Stab.

92. Stab. 93. Stab. 94. Stab. 95. Stab. 96. Stab. 97. Stab. 98. Stab. 99. Stab.

100. Stab. Triple digits. Nice.

101. Stab.

102. sTab.

103. stAb.

104. staB.

105. Stab.

106–128. Stab. (Stab?). Stab, definitely. Stab. Stabby stab. Stab with a pirouette. Stab. Stab. Double stab (just kidding). Backwards stab. Bats. Stab, stab, stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab.

129. Stab. Got blood on the carpet. Kinda embarrassing.

130. Stab.

[Insert 9 Stabs here.]

140. Stab.

141. Stab.

142. Stab.

143. Stab.

144. Stab.

145. Stab.

146. Stab.

147. Stab.

148. Stab.

149. Stab.

150. Sesquicentennial Stab.

151. Stab.

152. Stab.

153. Stab.

154. Stab.

155. Stab.

156. Stab.

There we go. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Here’s to the next 50 years!

Maddox Emory Arnold (he/they) is a writer, grad student, and Spanish teacher based in Detroit. His work has previously appeared in If There's Anyone Left, en*gendered, NonBinary Review, and elsewhere. You can find him online at maddoxemoryarnold.com or on Twitter @maddox_emory