I went to school with Kinsey
and he rated me a 4 (ouch)
said maybe I could be a 5
not yet quite sure, he fucks around
with 6s, his gold stars (sometimes platinum)
only scored me after post-party blowjobs
he shrugged off next week
for him a 4 is just a 4
but he knows people pull this shit
be one thing or the other
be one or six
Give Head
So this pirate couture guy at the party
is talking about his boat
footage & fish holds
looks at me
wrist flip in this burly circle
& how could he have known
that when he said head
I didn’t need to be told
boat toilet
–not all of us think blowjobs
and even then so what–
because I spent Saturdays
in Revere, gravel & nails
winches & cranes
4-year-old first sip of Honeydew coffee
to be one of the men
a visit to grandparents is
a visit to the boatyard
only sometimes going out
to look at Tall Ships
on days these family men insist
are calm but one’s petting
my seasick head, singing
Gilligan’s Island
and that uncle builds boats
gets shortchanged when they sell
and I haven’t ever been back
(they sold, they died)
instead shit-eat smile
for PBR Bluebeards
one like him gets boat toilet
no head
The [ ] At The End
I
If you know you’re a [ ] just jump to IV
now. It’ll save you the emotional labor
you’ve already endured
In middle school you didn’t know
put palm trees in your AIM profile then everyone knew
but you were thinking if a girl kissed you
then what
But if this story rings no bells, keep reading.
II
If you’re here, you don’t like Lana or Lorde or Frank
don’t stan Sapphic period pieces that much
and you don’t read reports that [ ]s raise kids
who perform better in school and think of course
If sitting funny, walking fast, iced coffee
in December mean nothing to you, keep going
If you get it, you’re a [ ], go to IV, it’s not too late
but if you just know a [ ] and think haha
I can laugh too
and might jump ahead.
But don’t. Continue.
III
The [ ] at the end can tell you about gatekeeping
and conservative dads who mean well (maybe (mom says))
and internalized homophobia
and how do I do that to spice up my sex life
and can bisexual men say [ ]
and sometimes you just know you shouldn’t hold hands
and when a glare means [ ] the landlord forgets the rental application
and is this a rant or something else
but now there’s no choice
Move on.
IV
Here I am, the [ ] at the end.
I am hiding in the closet
from tornados, sucking [ ] toes.
I’ve burrowed, found it’s nice here
so when disaster comes, I will grip the beams behind
the drywall, cower into this
blanket nest, hold a stray
shoe to my ear. I’ll be calling
with just one regret.
