Today // I am in a gay furry hacker collective

breaching an alt-right thinktank // at this funeral home

I have never felt so aflame // so fruit // so sugar-drowned

and dangerous // a threat to national security

deposits at apartments everywhere // natural wear and tear

I want to drive my car // into a ditch // off a bridge

into a WASP family // floating on the plasticine surface

of a duck pond // where they haven’t paid their rent and

squatters rights don’t apply to bodies of water // dumbass

I only have $50 but I have a kind spirit // and a backseat full of TNT

and Red Bull // I smoke cigarettes // I die that boring death

I hate sex // I dip bread into ranch // my skin doesn’t fit

don’t mind the lower back hair // I smell like coconut

I am just outside enough // just teetering on the edge

of glory // or a broken toe // broken tooth // my house flooded

my grandpa died // my high school chemistry teacher // died

and only then did I slip nude // into the wet mattress

before the mildew and pill bugs // I still find puddles in the floorboards

so I am never far from home // I am a hurricane // walloping the coastline

of a boneless grief // a communist maybe // a son who is finally

a child // my father lost his father // I will lose mine

and so will you // tall child // his home is gone // there is no home

there is nothing left for you // gone // gone // gone // He told me a part

of him is gone forever // I am relieved  // for he will disappear // so will I

but not before I cut a check // an email immediately into the spam folder

I am gonna pay my rent // so I have a home // but today I am in a

gay furry hacker collective breaching an alt-right thinktank

and everything is alright // I still want to crash my car // but I will be cute

clean // pretty // caffeine addiction // I wear a yellow cotton dress

and like Ophelia over // and over // with curdled makeup and fistfuls

of green onion // I lip-sync to MacArthur Park while my cake melts

in the rain // because I can’t have it // eat it too // hunger burns

behind the eyes  // toss the baby out with the bathwater

I will never have my fill // but neither will

this cavity // if I can help it