I bought books in Baltimore

I swam in a roof top pool in New Orleans with Bud Smith

I watched my dog chew on a rock (she has issues)

I drove drunk on whiskey

I got busted for driving drunk on said whiskey

I read Infinite Jest in Café Trieste

I was the number one waiter at TGI-Fridays in Marina del Rey

I smoked a cigar with my 85-year-old dad

I floated down the Seine and saw where they guillotined people

I blew my mind out in a car (not really, but thank you John & Paul)

I saw a guy stick a needle in his foot where Babe Ruth went to school

I ate peach cobbler in the Ozarks

I caught catfish from the Osage Rivier with Ivory soap

I marveled at a chainsaw juggler on Venice Beach

I snorted coke with Nick Nolte in a Mexican restaurant in Burbank

I ate dangerous pie next to a lady from Alabama as she yelled, “Roll Tide!”

I heard a tree fall in the forest – but I wasn’t there

I ran with the bulls in Pamplona and Kenyans in Kenya

I surfed the North Shore and Maverick’s

I saw the best minds of my generation succumb to AI

I fell in a canal in Amsterdam and came up empty handed

I drank coffee with the Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl

I beat Obama in a game of HORSE – ’cause that’s what I do

I broke bread with the homeless in a broken-down hotel on Soledad Street in Salinas where Steinbeck once wrote

I cried when Jim Croce died

I sang “La donna è mobile” with Pavarotti and them other tenors in a bar on the Lower East Side

I drove a yellow ’72 Karmann Ghia with a broken arm from KC to LA

I ate oysters at Tyler’s with the James Rivers Movement

I drove a car that crapped out on a Sunday afternoon in Jackson, Mississippi

I watched a Steller’s jay accost a woodpecker in Muir Woods on the day the Giants clinched the pennant

I ate BBQ with the best pitmasters in the world

I taught high school sophomores for 33 years and kept my sanity

I hung up on fifty telemarketers in one week

I drank the last Anchor Steam ever brewed

I tried to one-up Jack Collom

I tried, but I came up short