Sue Ellen and me got 1.8. Everyone thought Sue Ellen would be pissed about that, but she says she doesn’t give a shit. Yeah, come the apocalypse we’re not gonna make it, her or me, we’re least likely to survive whatever it is that kills nearly everyone in our class, even though in the here and now pre-apocalypse, Sue Ellen is alive and well and she’s a 10/10. They gave the new guy Darryl a 1.9, and Tony, the guy with the unusual lunches and the attitude, got the same, and they said he should learn from that. About being a fuckwit.
Sue Ellen has a surreal beauty that that would be wasted come a calamity. Sue Ellen wears shorts where her ass line is below the shorts line, and does she give a shit? I don’t know. But there are some things you see that you cannot unsee (i.e., just read The Road by Cormac McCarthy). Luke got 2.1, so go Luke. Yes, these vultures will eat his dying carcass in the apoc, but it’s still cool they gave a guy with zero natural talent like Luke a descent score. Hope to us all, maybe. Marika got 2.7. Noam got the first 3.0, he is super hairy so they say he’ll easily survive the first winter. There’s a heap of guys on 3.3 like Matthew, Marcus, James, Michael and John, they’re not mean enough to be leaders and not nice enough not to be food come the famines.
Is everyone better off being like Sue Ellen though? So what if no one’s got her back in the post-apocalypse, she’s a showstopper in the pre-apoc in a way that no one else can come close to? She nearly started crying when they gave her the same score as me. Noal got 4.5, because he’s tall and he can fight. Shit does come easily for some people and that person is Noal and that’s when you know that shit has not changed since ancient times.
The school janitor would have got a low score, but they gave him an N/A because he quit being a janitor and ended up winning the IndyCar 500 and he meets up with different sex partners every night so he does not care about the apocalypse at all. Nostromo, who I don’t know well, but his dad has a Landcruiser with a snorkel, got a 5.5 because of some combination of grit and cunning and his dad having a Landcruiser with a snorkel, but how much of each counted? Luck’s a part of it. Your rating in the post-apocalypse is very much determined by your changing fortunes in the pre-apocalypse, just ask Sue Ellen. She made the mistake of being a little too kind in this world, and now she’s fucked in the apocalypse. The fact is Sue Ellen has cracked into my MIND and the ability of someone to crack into a mind and be a constant there – if we are going to lose that in the apocalypse, it wouldn’t be a place worth being.
They gave my mum a 7.0. That’s crazy. Nothing can be said about that, other than what they said about it which is that my mum is fucking Amazing. I dunno, I have my own apocloypse rankings and my mum is amazing in that one too so fuck you guys. Anyway, it's Sue Ellen I’m thinking about, how she’s sobbing behind the gym. This stuff matters, both pre & post apoc. I’mma go have a word with her, she if she wants someone to hold her hand.
